The Phenomenal Power of Failure: How Screwing Up Can Lead to Life’s Biggest Lessons
I recently read someone’s LinkedIn description which went something like this — “I’m that guy who runs towards fires.”
Laughs aside, this idea got me thinking about how failure or chaos is generally perceived by us. In one of my earlier blogs, I had mentioned the concept of antifragility — the ability to thrive in chaos. Contrary to the opinion that a screw-up (or an unfortunate twist of fate) can define the rest of your life, antifragility is all about picking up the pieces and creating a new ‘whole’.
I personally know someone who lost half his arm to an amputation following a road accident. What truly inspires me, is the attitude with which he decided to ‘respond’ — ‘respond’ being the operative word here… Today, he runs Symbionic, an Indian tech startup that provides access to affordable bionic arms. He is someone who learned to ride the wave, take risks and thrive in chaos.
At some point or the other, we have all been (or known) someone who has royally screwed-up. Or perhaps, been at the receiving end of someone else’s screw-up or, just been dealt a ‘bad hand’ in life.… In this blog, I want to discuss a 3-step plan to get out of the ‘victim mentality’, or the ‘blame train’. One failure or screw-up cannot possibly be the end of the road.
You decide what story you want to be a part of — are you motivated by fear, shame & regret, or do you want to reorient yourself, holding yourself accountable for what you can change and accepting with grace what you cannot?
Let me dive right in —
1. From ‘Reacting’ to ‘Responding’
For the longest time, I held the misconception that every decision must be guided by logic over intuition, the brain over the heart. Now, I have come to understand that our emotions can be the indicator of deeper truths that our conscious mind is yet to grasp. Emotions cannot be pushed away or ignored, trust them to guide you to your truth.
At the same time, don’t let emotions rule your interactions with fellow humans — do not react to situations or conversations that fill you with anger or fear, for example. Take a step back, and consider why the situation has made you feel angry or scared. Respond, once you have your answer.
‘Reacting’ comes from a place of emotion, while ‘responding’ involves the brain.
When you react, you haven’t given yourself the time to process what you are feeling. But when you respond, you have spent enough time with your emotions and you know where you stand. A recent conversation I had with my dad comes to mind… I asked him how he handles stress the way he does. He told me that he has learned to control his emotions rather than let his emotions control him. He rarely loses his cool and is not overly concerned with the troubles of tomorrow.
When you respond, you know why you feel a certain way, and you act with this knowledge. You get to decide how you view any situation or screw-up, and that makes all the difference.
2. The Only Way Out is Through
“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”
― Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore
When you’ve been through the wringer, you may feel exhausted and low. Understandably so. But, this feeling won’t last. Like almost everything else we experience in life, it is finite.
Perhaps our screw-up was choosing the wrong job/ partner/ investment, perhaps it is a far graver situation such as death or sickness, which is that much harder to accept and cope with. But, I don’t think we are ever truly alone, I don’t think any situation can be a 100% bad, and for that reason, I believe that the only way out is through.
We may find ourselves navigating an uncomfortably new existence. But, growth never comes from a place of comfort.
Which leads us to one of those simple truths, that are the hardest to get behind —
Discomfort → Change → Growth
When given no choice but to be an outlier, we learn to embrace the process, we begin to cultivate the building blocks of resilience.
3. The Final Frontier
Sure, you have mastered the art of responding rather than reacting, you are well and truly out of the storm’s eye and you have come out anew. Your thoughts, desires and actions are transformed. They have hardly anything in common with your earlier held convictions.
Now, how do we turn pain into something bigger, more meaningful? How do we emerge from dirt & despair? More importantly, how can we help show the way to others? The lesson the Lotus has for us in Buddhism holds the answer—
“The lotus flower blooms most beautifully from the deepest and thickest mud.”
— Buddhist Quote
Buddhist literature discusses the concept of ‘suffering’ quite a lot. Suffering is seen as a necessary rite of passage through which love and understanding may be borne through us.
In other words, take your screw-up — no matter how big or small — and let it be your turning point. Don’t let it over stage your story. You are a lot more than your failures or screw-ups. And remember —
You won’t be where you are today, without the sum of experiences that brought you here.
If you ever want someone to talk to or just listen, you know where to find me, cheers 👋
